DJSMOKKE

Bullhorn Loud

The Anatomy of an American Election

Funny but True.  Will this Program Continue to Work?

By Carol Forsloff

1. Get your family out for public affairs, wearing identical shirts imprinted with your name. Have your pictures taken.

2. Join a church, or get active in one. Be fundamental. Lead, sing or teach, and get your spouse involved.

3. Get involved in a civic group. Be elected to some office in it. Shake hands a lot. Tell people you pray for them, no matter what, and sit in the front near the flag.

4. Be active in sports. Coach, especially children, and don't talk about it if you're paid. Go to the games wearing colors of the home town team.

5. Attend community events, especially fairs and fundraisers. Pray publicly at events with one hand in the air so people see you.

6. Use family and friends to make the right contacts. Get their endorsements, especially those in political or church offices. Hang out near the podium during activities where they participate. Always lead the prayer.

7. . Have the right name for where you live.  Keep it Murphy in Boston and Cabato in Hawaii. Keep it if people know it already and especially if it's famous.  Repeat it often, especially when talking about morals or God.

8.  Say "Jesus" often and pick out a church.  Make sure no one takes your picture while you're doing anything other than sitting quietly in the pew.

9. Talk about business, especially the small. Claim to be on their side or one of them. Whatever you did or do for work, make sure it sounds like a business.

10. Use the words compassionate as well as concerned and conservative, even if you're none of these, and make it sound like the other guy isn't. . And do it loud and often.

11.  Contact everyone you have ever known in your whole life, including your childhood, and make sure each one has saluted the flag regularly, practiced patriotism, gone to church, never been involved in a protest, never been convicted of any crime, and never inhaled anything other than perfume.

11. Put your Camry in your garage. Then drive your pickup everywhere, with kids in the back, a big sign on the side, and a bullhorn that plays your theme song to "God Bless America" so that folks know you're coming. Be G.O.P. in public most places. That stands for Grand Old Patterns.

About the Author

Carol Forsloff is a professional journalist/editor/publisher who has written extensively and has several books in print, one of which is Sarah Palin: Hot Ticket to Nowhere, now available for download at http://www.sarahpalinsecretlife.com. The online edition of her paper is http://www.therealviews.com, her blogs coffeewithcarol.blogspot.com and http://josephinetheplumber.blogspot.com. Stop by and read Carol's advice since she is a licensed counselor, has information on education from her teaching background and commentaries on social and political events from her background as journalist and loves to share a good laugh.

5W Megaphone Bull HORN Loud Speaker