Life's Most Important Skill Is Your Magic Bullet For Success Part 4
It is true the most important skill of all is people skills. When you can identify a personality and adjust you build rapport. As I write brief descriptions of each personality, you may think that you have some of the characteristics of each personality described. You probably do. There is; however, your dominant style. As described in Part 3 your personality was born not made. You process information differently than the other personality styles. What is important to you is not important to them. Others are motivated differently than you. Your personality will not change. The personality of others won't change either. Many have suffered the consequences of trying to change someone else's personality. You can't do it and you'll frustrate yourself in the process.
Frustration manifests itself in many ways. Parents struggle to get through to a child; a manger attempts to manage a situation; a salesperson wants to make a sale; a couple tries to understand each other. If only everyone you met was just like you. When you do meet this person just like you there is instant rapport. You think the same and have so much in common. That's easy but how about those other three personalities? You want to be flexible so you can relate to them as well. You want to build rapport with them too?
Have you ever met someone where there was no rapport established? You couldn't put you finger on it but you just don't like someone. You may have experienced a personality conflict with someone else. There is a reason for this. You are exact opposites. You know when they see black, you see white, when they say left, you say right. You feel uncomfortable tension when this person is around. It can be unbearable to be in the same room with them.
The personality style that doesn't share any characteristics is a direct opposite to you. These personalities can present challenges for you as they process information totally differently than you do. You'll need to make your biggest adjustments with these people. Remember their personality will not change. You want to master how to identify and adjust to their personality. You want to understand it. This way you can manage tension, build rapport and communicate more effectively. You are the magic bullet.
Here is an example of conflicting personalities and what can happen when two people don't adjust. I read recently that those who marry today have as much chance of separating as they do staying together. Needless to say, in this world we live in the divorce rates are high. People for a variety of reasons go their separate ways and many lives are affected. It's interesting how opposites attract. They attract it seems but frequently don't stay together. There must be a reason for this. In this example a Director and a Relater meet.
The Director is a successful business woman. She is driven to succeed. Like a juggler she maintains control of her growing empire. Her energy and drive to succeed propels her forward. She knows what she wants and it's best not to get in her way. She has her eyes on the prize. Many people admire her sheer will and determination. She's results oriented and gets it done with intensity and perseverance.
Although others admire her, she admires others. She has difficulty warming up to people. Sometimes she offends them. She sees others as social butterflies that seemed loved by all. I wish I had that magic, she thinks. Like most of us she takes her own gifts for granted and admires the gifts of others.
The Relater is a gentle person. He cares about other people. He has gathered friends like flowers and relationships are his highest priority. His people skills and ability to empathize with others develops instant rapport. People love to be around him. A kind, caring person, others admire his ability to relate well with others. Although others admire him he too admires others. I wish I was more assertive, he thinks? I have to learn to say no, he thinks. He believes that he's not tough enough and let's people walk all over him. Sometimes he feels used.
One day the two meet. The Relater, who believes he isn't focused enough, meets someone focused and driven to succeed. He admires the way she stands up and takes tough stands. No one walks over her. She knows how to say no! She knows where she's going and people don't push her around. When she doesn't like the meal served, she sends it back. He likes the fact that she knows what she wants. An attraction is formed.
The Director admires the people skills of the Relater. People just love to be around him. She sees he is relaxed and not totally focused on time. She finds it soothing to be around him. I'd like people to warm up to me like that, she thinks. She loves the way he puts her feelings first. From a personality perspective an attraction is formed.
Over time, each personality reveals itself in a variety of situations. These two personalities were born not made. Once again, you can't change personality so what's important is to understand it. One day, the Relater watches the Director criticize someone in public. Someone has made the mistake of crossing her path. How can she be so insensitive, he thinks? Her drive and intensity he found so attractive causes her to often work late. Why is work so important, he wonders? If only I were more important to her than her career. He wishes she was a little less intense.
One day, the Director watches the Relater struggle over a decision. What's wrong with this wimp, she thinks, can't he make a decision? Decisions are so easy for her to make. Another time she wants to rush him away. Time is so precious, why is he is so slow, she thinks? It takes him so long to get to the point, she thinks. Doesn't he recognize the importance of my schedule and reaching my goals? Over time friction builds. What seemed attractive begins to lose the attraction. The Relater thrives on emotional support. The Director doesn't know what emotional support is. The seeds of dissent begin to grow. I'll get into this in more detail in my next article. I'll see you then.
About the Author
Allan Baylis is world class Speaker, author of The Magic Bullet and an international business consultant. Allan helps others focus on business and personal Growth. He has delivered over 5000 presentations in the US, Canada and Europe. http://www.allanbaylis.com
